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Hooray for Boobies & Other Fat Lady Tales

✏ 38 year old cis female ✏ Fat ✏ Married ✏ Crazy Cat Lady ✏ Opinionated ✏ Swear-ey ✏ All caps silliness ✏ occasional pretendy writer ✏ LJ immigrant ✏ Journaling since 2006 ✏ Ex chatroom /forum role player ✏ Now on Tumblr ✏
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Hello Dreamwidth & Livejournal!

Every year, I try and send out a real, old-fashioned christmas card with some sort of scribbly message and christmas greetings on it and send it out to anyone who would like them. Because a)Snail mail is awesome. 2.) Nobody should go through life without getting sparkly christmas cards!

So this year, if you would like a Christmas card from yours truly, please reply to this post ( All comments are screened and will remain screened so only I can see them) with your address--or message me via Dreamwidth or LiveJournal so I can write you a messy note in a twinkly card of Melmass cheer!

If you would rather note comment or not send a PM via DW or LJ, you can also send me your address via email:

I know that some of you are a little side-eyeballing the Christmas stuff that seems to come earlier and earlier this year; and I know I am contributing. But usually I get a great response to these (which makes it awesome), and I like starting this early so I can make sure I get everyone!

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November and December are the most beautifully difficult months.

In November, I begin listening to Christmas songs, because I love Christmas. It's the one holiday in the year I feel like I can do things for people who might really need them. I send cards, I write notes in them, I hand tinsel and watch, enchanted by the way the lights are reflected and become glowing in each piece.

I hum Christmas carols well after and into January. I put my tree up as soon as I can.

To me, my thankfulness for having what I do, the friends I do, my family now translates into the spirit of thanksgiving AND Christmas well.

But there is a small cloud across the moon of my holidays.

My mother died on December 11th. As October passes, this quiet feeling of missing a giant limb from my heart begins and grows.

I have a difficult time not crying during some Christmas songs.
"I'll be home for Christmas," wrecks me.
Remembering my family as I was a little girl around my grandmother's tree--and I feel that strange prick at the back of my eyes and the heat-burn of tears down the middle of my throat into my chest. I see beautiful lights, and feel sorrow mingle with each twinkling of them.

It's a hard balance. I will laugh and be enthusiastic and wear my silly hats. I will talk about gift giving and share amazon wish lists and send cards. I will smile.

But I will do it all without my mother. With the distinct, inescapable fact that she is dead. That there's no return from that. That there's no way for me to show her the tree, the house, our new cats. That there's no way she will ever see Disney's Christmas celebration. That, she's dead. There's no coming back from that. I can't call her to apologize for the things I have done. I can't tell her I am sorry I didn't take her last hospitalization seriously and didn't press to speak to her, maybe just one time.

That I didn't have one last Christmas with her.

So my stomach churns, but I smile crooked, a mix of sadness and hope when I hear a carol and see the decorations already out in the store.

My husband waits patiently for any tears. My cats know something is off already.

Christmas these last few years has become such a reflection of everything I have, had, and should have learned to keep. It has turned into a beautiful sorrow that I embrace willingly every year.

Because I'd have it no other way.
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I think the greatest gift this year is that the majority of my friends and family are here to celebrate Christmas with me.

Christmas day's eve is always a little melancholy for me as I realize my favorite holiday in which I pretty much spend the entire year looking forward to, is now at an end.

The gifts that I got this year were absolutely overwhelming. Some were given anonymously or without a name to properly thank them--whomever sent them, I hope you know how much each and every thing I got this year I cherish. I was hoping for cards, but got more than that.

Thank you. I love your faces so much!

And now, without further ado, here are some beautiful Pence family photos for you.


Ho ho ho holy crap we are weird. Click here for more evidence. )
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This year as some of you may know, I had the fun and joy of sending random people gifts from their wishlist. I am also getting ready to send out the Christmas cards (tomorrow!) so they get to errbody in time.

Since my last post, I have been FLOORED and STUTTERING and DSKdJSKADJSKADSdadsa as several gifts from my own amazon wishlist arrived!

Here are some pictures of them so far!

Not pictured: One gift from Ravi, that I haven't opened because it came in a box and one gift from Sean Cowen (Google+) and a beautiful black eyeliner marker by Shany!

Also, my first Christmas card arrived!

Thank you tarzanic!
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A book and one that I cannot wait to read!

If you would like to give in to the spirit of the season, too, here's too ways of doing it:
Visit The Great Amazon Wish List Exchange Thread
And the Great Christmas Card Exchange Thread

Let's bring ho-ho-ho-hope to those thinking christmas is gonna suck this year. YAY!


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May 2017

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