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Hooray for Boobies & Other Fat Lady Tales

✏ 38 year old cis female ✏ Fat ✏ Married ✏ Crazy Cat Lady ✏ Opinionated ✏ Swear-ey ✏ All caps silliness ✏ occasional pretendy writer ✏ LJ immigrant ✏ Journaling since 2006 ✏ Ex chatroom /forum role player ✏ Now on Tumblr ✏

Aug. 6th, 2007

elf_fu: (dumbass)
Sunday, my husband and I went to Publix to do our weekly grocery shopping. It was the standard exciting shopping experience you’d expect from a large grocery chain, except for the fact that Shawn and I were in the store.

Two things transpired which I will lawl about in the future:

One aisle has the coffee on one side, cereal on the other. While Shawn had gone to pick out coffee, I’d wandered further down to ogle the cereals to pick which one would be most suitable for my refined palette. (Or as Shawn calls it, “JESUS CHRIST PICK A FUCKING CEREAL IT’S NOT THE GOD DAMN CEREAL LOTTERY HOLY CRAP.”)
A mother and her young daughter were in the same aisle, and were soon passed me and to the right.

The daughter was about ten or eleven and reached out to her mother’s cart to yell, “STOP!”

And I, in my infinite wisdom, sagely intoned, “Hammer time!” then danced the dance of hammer in the aisle of cocoa puffs.

The second item of hilarity was when we were stuck behind a married woman, her husband and her SEVEN CHILDREN. Shawn looked at me and I looked at him back with raised brows and THOUGHT I said, QUIETLY, “Wow, someone needs her tubes tied.”

She turned around and smiled at me and said, “Already did!”

So who wants to go shopping with me, next Sunday?

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