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Hooray for Boobies & Other Fat Lady Tales

✏ 38 year old cis female ✏ Fat ✏ Married ✏ Crazy Cat Lady ✏ Opinionated ✏ Swear-ey ✏ All caps silliness ✏ occasional pretendy writer ✏ LJ immigrant ✏ Journaling since 2006 ✏ Ex chatroom /forum role player ✏ Now on Tumblr ✏

Sep. 7th, 2007

elf_fu: (Default)
Camera focus on the large, blue cotton shirt wearing man with celtic tie and blue pants. Standard dress wear to an office place. He's in a cubicle with a headset mic. A computer monitor blinks coldly upon an unremarkable desk.

Camera pans in closer, closer. Sound fades in. Eventually we are able to hear the man.

He's just hung up on what appears to be a customer for some sort of calling center.

Large man bends forward a bit to read the information for the next call, preparing himself for the pitch.

Audience can hear the phone ring now. It rings once, twice, and then a third time before the mechanical click of something answering it is heard.

Man opens his mouth and takes a breath as if to pitch something when the BLARING tones of James Brown come bellowing through.


Daaa-doo-dunn-dunnn-DAAAA--And a man's voice shouting, "Haaaaw--I AIN'T HERE!" Audience hears: BEEEEEEEEEEEp.

Cue the large man fumbling for the mute button and laughing his ass off.
elf_fu: (dumbass)
My husband works at the call center of a bank. He shared this with me today. I've prettied it up because that's what I do, but the set up and punch line is 100% the same.

I'm talking to a guy over the phone and he lets me know that he's having problems getting online. I'm attempting to talk him through various solutions, but there's this language barrier. I only speak English, he doesn't..or at the very least, not very well. So I am walking him through very simple steps to see if I can help him get online when I tell him, "I think we need to clean up your cookies. There may be an issue with one."

And this guy replies with, "I don't eat at my computer."

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